The House for Lost Girls

To the Optimist,

Now I found myself here, again, and this time with the largest inner struggle I have ever felt. I do not want to have to chose one or the other, I want it all and always have. I still feel foreign to this place, so why am I trying to hard to keep what I have built? Why do I have a strange attachment to the House for Lost Girls, where we spend time learning and living but not truly ready to survive? I envision my life with him and the family we will build and the house we will make a home. I envision my life with the upmost career success and light-filled stages where I present novel topics to other intellectuals. I ask myself over and over Who am I? What do I want? Success or Love? Discomfort or Comfort? Everything or just broken pieces of what once was? Where will my mind and my body rest this time?

What happened to the girl that was so certain and sure and jumped in with all her heart? Where did she get lost? My heart breaks thinking of how I disappointed your parents. How I was always just too busy, had too much going on. I had aspirations above and beyond what a girl should have. And with those dreams, came significant sacrifices. I’m sorry that your heart got broken in my whirlwind.

Love from, California
Lauren Gavrailoff, T.W.O